Saturday, December 4, 2010

Semi-automatic bathrooms

This is a term I made up one day while at a Wawa, and though fairly kick-ass sounding, "Semiautomatic bathroom" has nothing to do with any form of artillery.

   Technology is constantly advancing, evolving, and doing more things that we've become tired of doing. So as we kindly bend over for our robot overlord's inevitable coup of our existence, the human race has become a bit lazy. Lazy enough it seems that we leave projects half finished in hopes that our currently infantile mecha-slave drivers will do it for us. (Insert picture of C3-P0 in a diaper here)
The specific project I'm referring to in this case is the installation of automated bathroom facilities such as self-flushing toilets, and sinks that turn on at the wave a hand.

   I've no issue with these advancements, except for the hand dryers. Automated or not those things suck at their jobs and never get your hands completely dry. The issue I have is that whoever is installing them always stops just shy of a full deck. I spend a lot of times in Bathrooms so I've had much time to notice the many nuances and differences to them, ranging from a Hilton hotel to a Port-a-potty outside a football stadium. One things they all have in common is their lack of complete conversion, Like hoe the Borg are all connected in their... Borgyness, but all still have areas of skin still unchanged.
(need a picture of a Borg here, too lazy to think of a caption for it)
My latest experience was last Saturday,  I stopped at a 7-11 to take care of some business. As I stood up from the comode I was caught off guard when it flushed itself. How I managed to miss that glowing red sensor astounds me. I always feel that something is looking at me through that glowing eye....
(picture of H.A.L. 9000)
As I exited the stall I went to the sink, and took an entire 10 seconds to get the damn thing working. Automated sinks always seem to be a bit more blind than the toilets. once I had the sink working I needed soap, which was spit into my hand by a small nub to my left. It seems that soap and water can't distributed simultaneously as the water shut off and took a full 20 seconds to get working. well now my hands were clean, but wet. So I went to look for the automatic hand dryer that's so popular right now. I quickly found there wasn't one. But there was one of those older paper towel dispensers with the brown paper, which surprisingly enough took less time to operate than the sink.
With my business concluded I exited the room. Hearing a small noise I turned and right before the door closed I saw the toilet's sensor staring at me... It knows.

A was Muppet once said "Do or do not do, there is no "Try".
(Picture of Yoda)
So why is it that when someone decides to make the bathroom automated they don't do it right? Or even half assed. Installing sensors throughout the place and the paper towel dispenser is still the easiest and fastest appliance. If anyone besides me noticed then why do we still have all the automatic sensors, when they don't make things better?
I blame the toilet. It's obviously the brains of the operation.
(picture of toilet sensor)

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